Gory Girl Blogs January 2010

iDon't

SO, I just watched a presentation on this new Apple device - the iPad. I was all kinds of excited about the whole thing. It's like an amazing, perfect sized gadget for my handbag and will allow me to travel without lugging my laptop.

Yippee!

Ummm...NO I think not.

Well, as they were going on and on about how fantastic this was I was sucked in and then came the bad news. It doesn't come standard with the Wifi or 3G for the (what they call) Low $499 price.

By the time you load it up with the important stuff like Wifi and whatnot it tops out at $800 or so and that's as much as a laptop.

Then you have to use AT&T again as your Wifi carrier and although you don't have to sign a contract and can cancel anytime, I guarantee that the $29.99 that AT&T charges is only 'That price'...IF YOU SIGN A CONTRACT. I'm waiting for that fine print to raise its ugly head.

AT&T works like crap to begin with and if I can't get my iPhone to work properly in LA that means the iPad will work even worse.

PLUS - like the iPhone, I can only imagine that every year they are going to come up with the "NEW" iPad making your old iPad have all kinds of ticks and whatnots...

I am a stockholder in Apple, so I love when they come out with new fun things to raise their stock but I am also a user of the product and I am getting sick to death of the bullshit factor.

For example I went to go get the latest iPhone (my old wasn't even a year old) and they informed me that I have to sign a new 3 year deal with crappy AT&T to get one and I said "I'm already with them" and he said you need to sign a new contract for 3 MORE years or no phone.

That's just wrong on many strong arm levels. SO then I say "Well can I upgrade?" and they come back with "NO you already used your upgrade". So now I am stuck with my out of date, non working AT&T iPhone until it dies it's death.

I know that AT&Ts contract with Apple should be coming to an end soon and then the iPhone will open up to new carriers. Or so I hope. I am just patiently waiting until that happens until I get the new iPhone but the fact that I have NO CHOICE in my phone carrier really sucks and I must say I am disappointed that they force you in to this contract business.

So, let the waiting game begin. Yes, I am that stubborn. I will wait it out and see what happens.

As for the iPad, well I know they are going to be figuring out how to make it more accessible and I for one am not going to be stuck like I am with the iphone when they do.

I figure if most people are going to spend that kind of money they are most likely going to get a full on laptop before buying the iPad and that's going to be its downfall.

After all a gadget is just a gadget.

Terror Trade

So I turned the 10 O'clock news on and I must say that I'm scared to death.

When did the world become so fricking scary? If it's not climate change and California being rained out to such an extent that mudslides and flooding are going to reap havoc on me this week - then it's The Govenater saying that he is going to release a bunch of convicts because LA is so broke it can't afford to house them.

Let me just break down some of the stuff on the news tonight:
One triple homicide with the killers still at large
Mud slides and a super storm that is inevitable
Terrorists making mass amounts of Botox to attack us with
Tanning beds that are the new cancer coffins
The dirtiest hotels and what makes them dirty
Bank robbers
More murder....the list goes on.

Yep, that was my half hour of beddy bye sleepy time television. I mean really can the world get any worse? Can't they just ease up a bit on the scare tactics? I am sure some nice things happened in the world. They did show a story of a cat that took on a bear. WOW, that's the happy piece, I am just waiting for the damn cat to get mauled any minute now.

The funny thing is that the World news is just as bad, nothing happy going on there. The president is talking his talk about the middle class and how they need all these tax breaks but let's see how successful he is getting that on with all the bullshit walls he comes across. I mean the man tries but I don't think anyone is really behind him in Washington and therefore it's a loosing battle.

I am looking forward to the Olympics for goodness sake, I mean there is something happy for me about them. I would just for once like to see people everywhere have one flipping common goal. Based on the news we are all slowly becoming animals and I hope that my kids and my kid's kids will not be living in some Mad Max scenario. That would just suck. It really would.

I get it, the world is seriously fucked up. I don't need to be terrorized anymore by the news.

I have an idea - let's make everything happy and shiny like the Fifties and go in to a deep denial. You never know, it may catch on and then we can live happily ever after.

Ahhh they saved a dog from the floods during the rain, of course the guy who saved him got bit to shit but the dogs okay.

I'm going to bed. Hope the news wherever you are was less scary...

Warning, Sex and Violence

Saturday night I decided to check out the new Starz series Spartacus: Blood & Sand.

The poster for it has been all over Hollywood and it looked pretty good. I seem to give every new show a chance, so I settled in bed and made a date with my Tivo.

The first thing that pops up is a stupid ass disclaimer saying that the 'sex and violence' I am about to see depicts the period of the Roman Empire. I had to laugh because I have never seen a disclaimer trying to use history as an excuse to its content...

So I started watching and within the first 2 minutes there is a 300 (as in the movie) style fight scene with all the same style and color that went along with the original movie. I loved the movie 300, so I was like "Okay right on, it will be a Roman version of that".

Ummmm NO. As I sit and watch, the story gets worse - along with the special effects. It goes from fight scene then cuts to some confusing dialogue, switches to some sex and naked women in slow motion, then back to a fight scene, dialogue, sex...ad infinitum!

The actresses are just sucky and clearly chosen based on the willingness to show tits and ass. I didn't realize that they had breast implants in Roman times, but they are being historically correct, or so the disclaimer said.

I am so sick of cheap rip offs of decent movies or television shows, I just don't understand where all the creative minds are. I am sure they are out there but for some reason the heads of all these networks just want to churn out the same old same old.

There were a few goodies this season that I loved like The Good Wife and the remake of V, as for cable, Nurse Jackie, that was the big winner. HBO and Showtime have always seemed to put on decent original programming. This Starz show is just CRAP, total Crap. I am hoping that the next few episodes show some more promise than the damn pilot but I'm not holding my breath.

If you're in the mood for soft gladiator style porn, you are going to love it, but as for me, I wanted a good historical series like Rome or Deadwood. I can't wait for the networks to start giving it's viewers some credit and raising the standard a bit more.

Party Down is the other series they have on Starz and that looks as if it may have a bit of promise. Until then I think I will tune in to see the naked men, blood and guts until I can't watch it anymore.

If you haven't seen the show, I urge you to give it a look and let me know what you think. Maybe I expect too much of my Tivo these days?

Where are you going dumb ass?

Things aint fine at KCAL 9. It seems another dumb ass idiot decided to get in a scrap with his girlfriend and proceeded to head butt her in the face. So as most women would do she locked her door only to have the man who claims he loves her shoot through the door. She called 911 and police arrived on the scene and there he went at 50 miles an hour driving through the streets of orange county.

WHERE THE HELL does he think he is gonna go? In all of the years of watching this kind of dumb ass behavior I have yet to see a suspect get away. Does he honestly think that the cops are gonna say "fuck it I need a doughnut" NO I think not. So helicopters are called and the cops are alerted and they drive and drive and drive shutting down freeways as they go.

I want to live in a world that just shoots these people the minute the go more than 5 miles without pulling over. I am waiting for the day when I turn on the TV and I see the sharpshooter hanging out the helicopter taking his shot only to then see the car hit the wall and burst into flames.

Yep, I am that cold and with good reason. If you run from the cops your most likely a scum bag anyway. This shit has got to end at some point. When are we going to stop giving criminals all these rights. I am a tax payer and sorry but I want to see wild west justice. They used to hang people when they were sentenced to die, now we pay millions to house them all on death row while they bog down the courts with their bullshit.

Just in. It seems he ran out of gas and now they all have shotguns pointed at him so now he is just sitting in the car. SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT. Let the damn dog out on him or something. How much more time and money needs to be spent on this one suspect. Oh we got a hand out the window, but he is still just sitting in there armed. Lets see how long this is going to go on.

..........15 minutes later. The suspect is now coming out, well maybe not, seems he is just opening the car door. Hands are up in the air. I so wish they would let that dog loose on his fat ass.

Well they now have him in custody so the streets are a safer place until he gets out on OR or makes bail. Yipeeee.

In his world did he really think he was going to just be able to drive and get away?

Just another annoying hollywood dumb ass thinking car chases are cool.

The good thing is no one was hurt but there will always be a next time. TUNE IN.

Going Solo

Last night, I attending the premier of Extraordinary Measures starring Harrison Ford and Brendan Frasier. It was CBS Films' inaugural film, so I went with my husband to support the network. I also brought my best friend and father to the event.

You see, my UKBFF has been a fan of Harrison Ford's for his entire life. He is a huge Star Wars fan. I mean, how can you not be a little in awe of the man that made "Han Solo" a household name. I was super excited that he was able to go to a Hollywood event where his idol was going to be and finally have the opportunity to shake the man's hand.

I have never really idolized an actor so I am not sure what that feels like. I adored George Clooney when he was on ER, but I'm not really someone that I grew up idolizing for my entire life. My friend, who we'll name JP, has been collecting Star Wars memorabilia for forever. I call him a hoarder but he calls it 'collecting.'

Anyway, after the premiere, we all walked over to The Roosevelt to get some food at the after party. As we mingled around the room, JP spots Harrison Ford in his Han Solo glory and I must say the man is still rather sexy. He was mobbed with people but I gave JP a nudge and said "Go shake his hand." Being English, JP is not all that forward and prefers to politely gaze as opposed to fighting through the crowd to go bother anyone.

I told him that this may be the only chance you will ever get to meet the one person you idolized as a kid. So after a few minutes of prodding, he finally made his way over. Just as he was about to move in for the "hello", a couple of really annoying Han Solo hags with iPhone cameras pushed past him and were clicking away. In a word: tacky. In two words: tack, hi!

After a few tense moments, he reached out and shook Harrison's hand and said a few words. It was really sweet to see. JP walked away beaming from head to toe. It was a really nice moment and I am glad my husband and I were able to take him to the premier to get that "once in a lifetime" chance.

Harrison Ford was really polite and approachable and that is why he is an actor that will withstand the test of time. The Gorygirl lesson to the story. "Sometimes one must go through Extraordinary Measures to fulfill a childhood dream that will last a lifetime."

Golden Night

It seemed as if all the stars were out for the Golden Globes last night in Hollywood.

These were the dresses I loved and some that I thought were downright awful. I have been to the Golden Globes twice and was pregnant both times. I was able to have my dresses altered to fit around my HUGE belly. This for me is always the most glamourous of events and a really good time. The stars are relaxed and mingling - as always, looking their best.

This year it was pouring down with rain but that didn't stop some of these stars from looking perfect.

I loved Olivia Wilde's Gucci dress, it sparkled in all the right places, it fit well and was simply gorgeous. Drew Barrymore wore a different but still fantastic Versace gown. I do think the hip part of the dress was a bit much but it was daring. Rose Byrne wore the best purple gown of the night dressed in Lanvin. The color was not too much and complemented her skin tone. Well done Rose!

Christina Aguilera 'Rock & Rolled' it up in an elegant way in Versace. Diane Kruger pulled off her pink gown although some scoffed at it and put it on the worst dressed list...I loved the workmanship and the neckline.

Now the absolute WORST had to be Julia Roberts' dress. It looked like she was headed for a luncheon and not an awards ceremony. Very underdressed. Mariah Carey in Herve Leger was nothing but tits and looking like some kind of call girl. TACKY....

Mickey Rourke was all over the place with his outfit and his date didn't help any!

Anna Paquin was glitter galore to the point of drag queen with her gold gown. I loved the purple color of Sandra Bullock's Bottega Veneta gown but the fabric made it look cheap and ill fitting.

Over all I think the stars looked great and there were so many fashion hits I am sure that you will be able to buy some version of what you saw on the red carpet within a few months. They do their best to duplicate the styles that the stars wore so you can make your own entrance to upcoming events without the thousand dollar price tags.

Let me know in the forum what your favorite looks were this year!

Distortion

I was on my usual Southwest flight back to LA and there happened to be a People Magazine laying around so I gave it a look. It had a 23 year old woman from the TV show 'The Hills' on it. Heidi Montag I think her name was. I have never seen the show and don't really know that much about her or the show itself but was I horrified by what I was reading.

It seems the young woman has had 10 plastic surgeries in ONE DAY and was recovering, hidden away, for 6 weeks. Now I am not against plastic surgery, in fact it's the total opposite, I think it's a great thing to help people look their best. BUT COME ON!

She is 23 and the procedures she had were just downright silly.

When asked why she had all these procedures done she said she was teased and felt like the frumpy sidekick. She would read things on the internet by strangers and it was upsetting to her.

Then in another question they asked "Are you worried what your family, friends and fans will think". She answered "I don't care what anyone thinks about me and what I do".

HMMMMMMM.... this coming from a girl who just got all this shit done to herself because of what strangers thought about her on the internet? I think she DOES care and that's why she did it. I mean she said it herself. I'm not saying that she looks bad but she went on to say she wants her DDD tits enlarged next. I guess this decision came from the fact that while doing a playboy photo shoot the bra she was given was a bit too large and the publication had to airbrush in her boobs...

Wouldn't it have been easier and cheaper to just get a bra that fits her as opposed to enlarging her already HUGE tits?

What really enrages me is the fact that the Doctor performing all this bullshit thinks that it's fine to hack up a young girl with all these procedures while not suggesting she get help for her obvious body image disorder.

In her quest for perfection she has had lipo everywhere, butt implants, a brow lift, a nose job, her cheeks done, lips done and I don't even remember what else. Now I have had a few of these procedures but I am also pushing 40 not 23 and rail thin!

She admits to being addicted to plastic surgery and I am just astounded at the fact that no one is offering her any mental help before she mutilates and distorts herself like the Cat Lady that went overboard years ago and looks like a freak now. I hope that at some point she realizes that all these woman you see in the magazines will never be perfect as It's all airbrushing and Photoshop. I'm sure she is aware of this fact being that they most likely did a shit load of it for the magazine in which she graces the cover.

NO ONE LOOKS THAT FLAWLESS and no one ever will. Even Angie Jolie gets airbrushed and Photoshopped. At 23 you should be learning who you are and enjoying life, not thinking up new ways to cut yourself up and bringing in photos of stars and picking what features you want here and there.

Besides, you have all of your 40's to do that ;)

I like most of my lumps and imperfections, but a little botox at my age is also a bit necessary. Having plastic surgery is a big decision and one that should be considered with a Doctor not looking to make a quick buck and suggest ridiculous unnecessary procedures.

I hope that she gets the support that she needs and is able to see the beauty in being IMPERFECT. I prefer this picture of her before all the crap she had done.

She had a natural beauty that has now been unfortunately carved away.

Top Ten Songs

There are songs you are infatuated with, listening to them on repeat until you hate them as much as you were previously obsessed.

There are songs you kind of like because everyone else does and it is a fad. I'm sort of hoping this is the case with Lady Gaga (even though I admit her stuff is catchy).

There are plenty of songs you instantly hate or have no use for.

Then there are those songs. You know, the ones you hear and your pulse quickens, your ears immediately tune in-and you are hooked. For life.

These songs grab you instantly and continue to make you love them each and every time you listen.

Some of them are associated with a particular memory, some are just musically great, and others speak to you in a way that only music and lyrics can.

These are my Top Ten (in no particular order).

1. "Tiny Dancer," Elton John
Everytime I hear this I want to go for a drive along the beach with the windows down. Fell even more in love with this song after watching the classic bus scene from "Almost Famous."

2. "My Girl," The Temptations
My all-time favorite Motown song that I've loved since I can remember listening to music.

3. "I Got You Babe," Sonny and Cher
Ok, I know most people either love it or hate it, but this one is a keeper for me. The beat is catchy, the lyrics are sweet, and somehow I have a strong positive association with my family whenever I hear it.

4. "In My Life," The Beatles
Beautifully poignant lyrics with soothing music.

5. "We Build," Nicole Nordeman
Beautifully written metaphor comparing marriage to building a house. The song played at my wedding.

6. "Night Moves," Bob Seger
My husband introduced me to this one when I first flew out to California to visit him after he had moved here. I get all giddy when I hear it come on over the speakers.

7. "Hallelujah," Jeff Buckley
Quite possibly one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.

8. "When the Levee Breaks," Led Zeppelin
How bout that? American blues done better by a British band! Everytime I hear this I have this weird craving to go to Louisiana and eat Cajun food.

9. "Beast of Burden," The Rolling Stones
"Such a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty girl."

10. "Everything," Michael Buble
The album this is from came out right before my husband and I got married. We both love him, listened to the CD, and decided separately that this was pretty much our song.

Ok, this was hard. So here are 10 more songs that almost made the list.

"Spread Your Love," Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

"Holiday In Spain," Counting Crows

"Stranglehold," Ted Nugent

"Have You Ever Seen the Rain," CCR

"Crazy On You," Heart

"Little Queen," Heart

"Crash Into Me," Dave Matthews Band

"Boston," Augustana

"Hotel California," The Eagles

"Island In The Sun," Weezer

What are yours?

Game On

When I moved to LA a little over a year ago I hated it. The people, the parking, the fact that the friends that I have had for years were not there. It's always hard moving away from your support system and as with most things it took me some time to adjust.

My husband has always worked in LA and flew home for the weekends and sometimes if it was really busy he would go two weeks before coming home. Everyone used to always ask me how I do it. How I am able to be apart for so long. I never thought of it as being hard. I have always been independent and enjoyed my space and he always likes the time and freedom to work without being bothered by me and my bullshit here and there so it worked out. I also had my friends and my brother.

This is a group of guys and a couple of trustworthy girls that I have known for some time. Every friday night all the guys would come over and we would have game night. We mostly played Risk or Scrabble sometimes - when we got tired of strategy type things. It was good fun and always a laugh. Sometimes the wives would come and chit chat while we played and it was something we did for years.

If there is one thing that I miss it's Friday night game night.

My brother decided since I was in LA now that he would hook up my X-Box 360 so that I could go live and play online with everyone. I suck at video games but if that was a way to get Friday game night back, well then I would have to learn.

I must say it's pretty damn fun, not as fun as being in person and taking over the world with my friend Peez as a covert alliance but fun none the less.

One of the benefits I found from this is that I can play it with my kids now and they think they have the coolest mother ever - that I play games with them that they enjoy. I can't say I'm any good but the fact that I play is enough for them.

If you have never played a video game, give it a go. It takes some getting used to but it's not at all that difficult and the Wii is a blast. Even though I live in a different State now I still found a way, thanks to my brother, to make the best of it and fill in a fraction of what it was I missed the most about home.

That in turn made me able to look at the good things about LA and settle in to my new surroundings.

Technotard

Okay... so I admit... you know those guys that are into technical gadgets... the blue ray, DVD, theatre/surround sound, blue tooth, IPod loving, techno geeks, who like the newest software, fastest computers, coolest cell phones, and hottest car stereos? Yeah... I’m one of them except... I’m a she. My brother in law and I often like to compare techno crap, much to the dismay and confusion of other family members. Technology, or rather the fascination with it, is in my blood. I simply cannot help myself. I love it, and am enamoured by merely the challenge of figuring the newest releases of most technology! I am sharing this with you, not because I expect you to care, but rather because it may help you understand why this blog is so very painful to me.

Okay... so I have three kids - now, kids is a relative term because are all, in fact, old enough to be and presently are in University. Between the 5 of us in the house, we have 7 functional laptops, and one desktop, that's presently waiting for a new flat screen. We have 7 TVs, assorted DVDs, video recorders, cable boxes, Xboxes, PS2s and wiis... My children all have cells, iPods, Nintendo DS' and some - my daughter and youngest son - have iPhones (me too but that goes without saying).

I will simply skip over the fact both boys are awesome when it comes to getting viruses, nuking hard drives, and blowing motherboards (still not quite sure how that one happened) In fact the youngest has actually gone through three laptops in the last year and a half... one of which was brand new, the other a hand me down, and the third a swap, with his brother who preferred my older but smaller HP. Then there was the one I had to have then entire screen replaced on... Yeah... we’ll just skip over that, and the fact that I actually have a computer tech on retainer!

I am not sure how it is possible, but each of my children has over the last 2 years gone through thousands of dollars worth of technology... there have been the 5 stolen, injured, and lost iPods (the youngest - seems is quite allergic to responsibility, and technology) 3 lost and murdered iPods (middle child), and 2 overused to the point of death IPods (oldest and most responsible child - though I think one of them actually died a catastrophic death at the hands of the washing machine but I can't be sure)... I swear at this point I OWN SHARES IN APPLE! They have also gone through about 10 phones between them - not the least of which is my son's much maligned IPHONE!

Now my youngest's iPhone was a Christmas gift almost exactly twelve months ago. He had it 2 months when somehow it managed to go missing. When it did turn up (a cab driver found it in the parking lot of the grocery store beside his school) it had a smashed faceplate. Repair cost? $140. Fixed it - gave it back to him less than a week later... the face plate was smashed again... I told him he would have to wait and pay to fix it himself. He did - I mean he waited but never fixed it. We went away to the cottage before I left for LA this past August, he goes out in a boat with his friends, comes back, and borrows my phone to call his girlfriend – I ask him why (I have mom radar about these things... Really - I mean my mom antennae start gyrating at the speed of light and I go hmmm... something’s up!)- Anyway, the child said his was out of batteries - NOT!! I later discover it actually went for a swim in the lake and was for all intents and purposes... DEAD!

When I go to LA I usually bring along a junkie unlocked phone. I had purchased two for my trip. When I came home from the cottage - I gave him one to use as I was certainly NOT getting him another expensive phone. Now this particular phone was caveman technology, compared to what we are used to now but it did the trick. It called and texted and actually saved an amazing amount of money on the phone bill, because it wasn't internet enabled.

Now I am an optimistic person... really I am. I know that sometimes iPhones can be revived. See I have done this before. My son's very clean (I used tide) and well laundered IPod, miraculously came back to life after 2 weeks drying on a heating vent. So I took the phone put it over an out of the way air vent and left it. Every once in a while I would go and check it... NOTHING... not surprising, but I was hopeful. Went to LA, and came back to a whining son... "THIS PHONE SUCKS!" Yeah but it was only $35 dollars so I'm happy... go ahead kill it! Amazingly, he didn't - perhaps because it wasn't worth hundreds of dollars? Maybe he’s not allergic to the cheap ones? Not sure...

However, I couldn't in good conscience let him head off to an out of town university with a sketchy phone. SO, I gave him my daughter’s very nice, NOT CHEAP Samsung Jack - it is very much like a blackberry (we've owned 3 of those), or HTC (we've owned 2 of those). Now this phone was a great phone and less than 6 months old. I gave him that, give my daughter my IPHONE because tech whore that I am... I had bought myself a 32 gig iPhone. Anyway, 2 days into school I get a text from his girlfriend’s phone... David's the JACK is not charging... Are you F'ing kidding me? I mean seriously. It worked fine when the daughter gave it to him 48 hours earlier... what the HELL went wrong?

I email the child instructions, urls to download the computer software for it, hoping for a solution... One week later I cave and Fedex him a BRAND NEW $400 LG slider. After sorting out sim card issues and what not, the child's phone is working and we have communication. 24 hours later I am doing house work. I pick up his iPhone - still on the vent - and give a heavy sigh. It has been six weeks... its dead... should I throw it out? Or sell it for parts on EBAY... Not sure why, but I plugged it in and went to shower. Come back downstairs and am grabbing stuff to go out and surprise... It’s come back to life. I rejoice! My phone company has a plan whereby I can return a phone up to 14 days after purchase. So... iPhone is working LG is going back! I call him. Tell him the news. Tell him a friend is going up to his school, I will send him his iPhone he's to give her the LG. (and yes dammit I did pay to fix the broken screen - AGAIN) iPhone goes to London, new phone does not make the trip back - she dropped off the iPhone but couldn't pick up the LG. At this point I can no longer return it anyway, so I suck it up and think - I'll leave him the extra phone just in case... Just in case happened a week and a half later. At a party his girlfriend's purse was rifled through and his phone was stolen...

NOW I WAS PISSED (it takes a lot to get me to that point but... I had earned it.) First, I flipped out - then prayed that it wasn't the IPhone... Thankfully, it wasn't ... he had put the iPhone away for safe keeping and had brought the LG with him. YEAH! But I didn't get off too easily because we still had to replace a $35 sim card and let’s not forget the $400 I laid out originally for the LG, but at least we still had communication again.

So Canadian Thanksgiving rolls around and the child comes home. He has been gone a month and is on his 3rd, but original phone - the iPhone. Things seem to be going swimmingly in the technology department (except that one of the two laptops he brought with him is misbehaving and is off to the shop, but that is a mere blip in my technological life when you take into consideration the PHONE issues we've had) Thanksgiving morning we are sitting together and I ask to borrow his phone, he refuses saying it is charging... I roll my eyes and ignore the alarm bells going off in my head and the antennae that are gyrating like a stripper on a stage and go get mine. On the way back from somewhere that evening, I ask him again for his phone - again he refuses. He is charging it in the back seat and I turn to look at him my eyes falling on the phone, and sure enough the screen is broken...

He goes back school - with the broken phone. Christmas he comes home lugging, one virus crashed laptop, one laptop with a faulty screen, (cost $220) one completely nuked Ipod which is going to the apple doctor this week, and the still broken phone. For Christmas he gets his own portable HD and a flipcam. He takes my 3 month old external HD downstairs and 24 hours later when it comes back up from hanging out with him... IT'S NOT WORKING... like what the hell? I mean seriously... I think he causes this stuff to have a nervous breakdown when he walks in the room.

My laptop went into hiding until he headed back Monday...

We are taking bets on how long the flipcam and his external will last...

Generation Lazy

I am so tired of people whining about how tired they are or how they have to work on a holiday. At what point will people realize a job is a JOB. If I have to hear one more time that a 20 something year old is tired from working I think I may puke. Look, you are complaining to the wrong girl...

Let's see what Jennifer and Anthony were doing in their 20's? Well let me tell you, WORKING OUR ASSES OFF! Yep, I remember having to hold down 2, sometimes 3 jobs and one was always a food type deal so I could eat for free. As for Anthony, well he was working as a bellman, lugging cheap ass people's bags at the Mirage, while also getting in to the Map Advertising Program at the same hotel.

Talk about tired. I have no tolerance for tired when you have a pretty cushy job like the one in the Zuiker household.

I have never understood how people can complain about having to work. Most people don't like their jobs or their bosses. Some people even hate their job. I know I never liked slinging drinks to assholes who would drink too much and then think the 2 dollar tip they gave me entitled them to cop a feel but I had to pay my bills and If you're not in a professional type business like a lawyer, doctor or so on, you are most likely just going to have to come to terms with the fact that you will most likely be working most of your life. If you hate your job so much then YOU, and only YOU, have the power to find something you actually do like...

I liked being a waitress because it gave me the freedom to work anywhere in the world and I prefer living on tips. I like the fast cash and overcharging drunks. That was my gig and although it was a pain in the ass, sometimes it was an easy job to get.

Anthony and I were raised in Vegas and taught to hustle to make a buck, so I am no stranger to hard work and long hours. I can only pray that my kids will be taught the same way. Anthony and I have come a long way but the one thing that remains is that we know what it is to work for a living.

NOTHING was given to us and thank god for that. If it was to all go away tomorrow I know damn well I could go out and get a job and bring some money in and so could he.

So to all the young kids out there, work your ass off and work toward what it is that will make you enjoy going to work. IT WILL PAY OFF at some point and if it never does, well at least you can spare everyone else from listening to your bullshit about how tired you are or that you hate your job.

This may just be a rude rant but it does have a mild point.

ZoooIlda

Today we lost a good friend and faithful companion. 12 Years ago I walked in to a Las Vegas pet store and there, in a little cage, was the cutest English bulldog I had ever seen. She was really expensive but I felt really bad having her sit in that little cage and to top it off she seemed to have kennel cough.

I went home and told my fiancee (now husband) about the cutest dog I had ever seen and how sweet looking she was but I knew we couldn't afford the heavy price tag. Anthony told me that we couldn't afford it and that we didn't need another dog as we only live in a apartment...

The next day my husband, curious about this dog, spent most of the night talking about it and then he came to my work and gave me permission and a credit card to go buy her. We named her Matilda or as he called her (Zoo from planet Ilda) - don't ask.

Anyway we got married and then started our family by having kids. She was always a great dog around the kids and they could sit on her, pull her ears and she would never so much as make a fuss. She was a great loving dog and although she could gas you out of the room she was comical to watch.

Around 2 and 1/2 years ago I got a new Mastiff puppy and as she grew she wanted to dominate the pack as the strong female and got into a rather brutal battle with Matilda, doing a great deal of damage to her right leg. I thought I would have to put her to sleep right then and there but she managed to pull through like a champ with a wag in her tail. After about 2 months of rehab my good friend offered to give Matilda a home at his house and give her a peaceful place to live out her golden years. She was spoiled with him and as her hips started to go, Sam got her a red wagon so that she could still go on the family walks.

When I got the call from him letting me know it was time to put her down I was happy that he was there to take her. He told me that he was going to make her a nice cheesburger and give her a warm bath before taking her to the Vet to have her put down. She had been unable to walk for weeks and was in a lot of pain and nothing was really helping anymore.

We then decided to have her remains split and placed in an urn, one for each of us. I do believe that she had a happy life with both my family and his. She was a hell of a dog and we will all be left with great memories.

She was loved.

500 minutes of Jennifer

This Christmas, Jennifer and I decided to take the kids to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for a week of skiing and fun in the snow. Like all vacations, your mind has a way of playing out the fun filled scenario and talking you into a "Yes. Go to Jackson Hole with the kids and the nanny and the dog. Go 'head. It'll be a blast."

After all, Jenn asked me in the summer which made the decision easy. "Six months from now...the snow...sure. Good idea, Jenn."

CUT TO -- 4 a.m.

A few days after Christmas, we wake up the kids, grab the dog, wake up the nanny, and pack the car to go to LAX. At this point, I turn off emotionally because I know that 'Day One' is going to be a disaster. I was spot on. At 4 a.m., the van that was supposed to pick us up was actually a SUV. We have six passengers (three adults, three children, and a dog). Yes, common sense would dictate that we would have a lot of luggage when going to the snow. Jennifer took one look at the car and gave the driver a piece of her mind. This guy, by some grace of God, managed to Tetris 15 pieces of luggage in the SUV.

Our pocket dog, Becca, gets car sick so Jennifer had the bright idea not to feed her that morning because she throws up from motion sickness. So, Jennifer let her out back where she proceeded to eat our other dogs shit...

This proved pungent when Becca tried to give Jennifer a "shit kiss" on her lips. Jenn, jerking her head back, said "Becca, did you eat shit?". Dogs can't talk, but I'd like to answer for her. "Yes." Now, we have a motion sickness dog with dog shit in her belly for a drive to LAX in a crammed SUV with the heat turned up. I don't think we even got to the 405 when I heard a cough barf. A "cough barf" is when a dog hurls a meatball of shit out it's mouth.

In an instant, the entire SUV smelled like barf and shit. Thick heavy smell, too. The driver turned green. I cracked a window. So did he. My nose was buried in my to-go coffee mug. Jennifer was busy cleaning up the barf shit out of the dog carrier. The kids were dry heaving. I looked calmly over to the driver and said, "I bet you'll be glad to get rid of the fucking Zuiker's". He didn't respond, but I know what he was thinking.

We managed to board the flight to Salt Lake City when all of the sudden the flight attendant in First Class knelt down next to me and said, "We need to talk." I'm thinking the kids got out of line. Or... my wife popped off to someone. Or... the dog is a problem. She says to me, "You're shirt says 'You're all whores.'" I'm like, "Yeah... it's a shirt. And...". She says, "Normally, we would ask you to deboard because that's offensive." So much for Free Speech. Don't even get me started on that one.

Two planes later, we end up in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We check in to the hotel, find out there's no kid's camp, and our suite was given to someone else. At this point, I want to go home and work on my script.

Fuck the vacation.

After fighting with the travel agent, the front desk, and counting to "10" with our children, Jenn and I finally sat down for a meal. She ordered a cocktail. I ordered a whole bottle of wine (for me). And shared a private laugh... our marriage in a nutshell.

Violent, hilarious, and occasionally "full of shit."

Lady My Butt

Christmas week was far from being an easy going week. I finished up decorating my son's new room. He's 2 and wanted a classic Star Wars theme - I must say it was a huge hit. I also managed to organize lots of things and had a good meeting with all the employees to keep the house running on track for Christmas.

SO, Tuesday night rolls around and my husband, son and I have tickets to the Lady GaGa concert. My eldest son has been singing her songs for months and my husband enjoys her as well. We get all dressed up and hire a car to take us to the show. I was excited to see the opening act Kid Kudi but soon discovered she had kicked him off the tour - was a little bummed about that.

I walk my hubby and kid to their seats, 3rd row, and then myself and a friend went to our seats...40th or some odd row. The opening band comes on and I knew from the first song this was a train wreck. They were called Semi Precious Weapons and they SUCKED worse than you could ever imagine. The singer was an over the top gay with the worst mouth ever. He used the 'F-word' more times than I can count and danced around like a fool. My son looked at me and said "Who is this?" I told him just some sucky band and it would be fine but I must say I looked around and saw a lot of kids there were all dressed up like Lady GaGa herself and looking perplexed at the spectacle that was the opening band.

We decided to skip out on the band and go people watch in the lobby until they were off stage. About an hour or so later we all got settled back in our seats and finally, around 9.45pm, Lady GaGa takes the stage. She sounded good and as you would expect the costumes were a little over the top. Then, after a couple of songs, it started...

If she wasn't saying "Free Bitch!" every 5 seconds, it was "Get out your dicks!" and "Do you FUCKING LOVE ME?" or "Do you want to FUCK ME?!"...and so on. I WAS APPALLED at the fact that this dumb ass (whatever IT is) could not even have the decency to realize her audience. As a performer you have a certain responsibility to the public as a whole and that includes kids. I was really uncomfortable watching it and I was an adult. I saw a ton of mothers with their kids and faces that just didn't get why or what she was talking about. I know she has a gimmick with this "My little monsters" thing but give it a rest already.

I can just hope that she evolves a bit past the 2am gay nightclub performance and puts a bit of talent and class in her show. I know she is new to the whole fame thing so I hope she just takes a lesson about her audience and cleans it up a bit. I do think she is talented and hope she sees that corn holing herself in to this, "whatever it is", is maybe not the best play and will most likely not have longevity.

At the end of the night I asked my kid if he liked the show and he said it was okay but he didn't know what she was doing up there...

"Does she think it is cool to cuss like that?" he asked. I replied "Hmmmm, maybe she does but it's not".

I give the concert a D...for distaste.